I Am Gamer III Page 3

  The window disappeared with a thought as I closed my partition and was already in motion attacking to my right at the closest monster. Freak lunged down the center and I saw Patty’s orange glow taking the left-hand side. Good, all our team training was paying off, we automatically moved into the best attack and support positions.

  “Watch out they’re poisonous!” I called out a warning, then refocused on the fight before me.

  I struck out with both weapons, severing heads in quick chopping burning blows.

  “ROAR!” Freak activated his skill, Furious Roar, and it worked brilliantly, the stairwell acting like a natural amplifier and raising the power of his skill.

  All the snakes in our way paused, dazed by my familiar’s ability. Patty took advantage and rushed in, severing multiple heads with every single swing of Fragarach, its enchanted blade making light work of the stunned Tie-snakes. The three of us continued onward running abreast down the remaining stairs, and onto the floodgate and lower level of the river fortress.

  We paused at the bottom of the stairwell, taking in the scene that appeared before us. The floodgate was torn asunder and Aglebemu shrieked, as over a dozen were knocked away from the gaping metal hole, by the ugliest and nastiest smelling MOB yet. It was also as large as the Chenoo but that was the extent of their similarities.

  “Ah fuck me! It’s a damn hag! I hate these shite slags!” Billy yelled, pinching his nose with his off hand.

  The monster’s information appeared.

  KUKU (Level – 7)

  The Kuku, or Gougou, is a kind of man-eating giant, usually described as female. She is so huge that she carries the people she catches in a bag over her shoulder the way human hunters carry rabbits and such. The Mi’kmaq name Kuku may derive from their word for earthquake, since she is so large her footsteps shake the earth. According to other legends, Gougou is a sea monster covered in scales who preys mostly on people paddling canoes or walking along the beach. In others, she lives in the mountains and is often mistake for a boulder until it is too late. In all cases, she is a giant, human eating, children preferring, monster.

  I flicked the window away with a thought. As usual, the monster was a conglomeration somewhere in between all those different legends. I could see why Billy thought she was like the Irish hag monster Buach. I always found it amusing that every culture had variations of the same legends, but historians would never acknowledge these common occurrences and chalked it up to coincidence, whatever, no time for that old argument now.

  “Spread out!” I shouted, immediately sidestepping to the right side of the room now that we exited the stairwell.

  The bottom floor of the river fort was set up much like the floor above, the difference being in its center was the gate itself. It could be opened or closed letting canoes and other such things through. It was about ten feet by ten feet and made of interlocking bars of crude iron. Currently, the Kuku had bashed and ripped it partially open and was already halfway through it and into the room. The torn metal bars had gouged and stuck inside her in some key and extremely uncomfortable places, like the back of a Volkswagen, if you know what I mean fellow Mallrats.

  If I had those jagged bars in those places, I’d be mad as fuck too, and she was no exception, which was the reason for the flying Aglebemu. The monster was lashing out in frustration.

  “What’s the plan Law?” Billy shouted, pausing in his circling to the left side of the giantess.

  The flailing monster was shaking the whole area and was almost free of the stabbing bars of the impeding gate.

  “Hit the fuckin twat!” I shouted, following my own advice and leaping in with a pair of overhead chops.

  Freak and Billy both followed my lead, and all three of us attacked the giant stinky hag. My enhanced senses raced as I soared the intervening ten feet through the air, studying the monstrous being. She was a lot like the brother’s description of the hag Buach, but larger, and more… blah. Let me explain, judging by the half of the monster that was through the gate already, she was at least twenty feet tall, maybe more.

  Her skin was the color of mud, I imagine that it made excellent camouflage on the riverbed or lake bottom. Her hands were long and slightly less dark then the rest of her. Her elongated fingers ended in two and half footlong claws that were stained with dirt, effluvia, and the blood of the Aglebemu who had been close enough to for the Kuku to take her ire out on. Not to mention ages of accumulated grime and nastiness, I highly doubted she had soap.

  Then you got to her face, which in and of itself was a testament to the definition of ugly. It reminded me of the Predator, they could legit enter an ugly pageant and either of the two would have an equal chance of winning. Even its mouth had the weird vagina looking clawed lipped things. The ones that looked like a monster was crawling out of the Predator’s face.

  I pushed the thoughts from my mind. Covering the last few feet through the air and striking with my weapons, along with Billy who lashed out with his sword, and Freak who was attacking with both his clawed paws. Then the MOB sensed our presences or at least chose that instant to focus on us. She attacked all three of us almost at the same instant, lashing out with both arms faster than I thought was possible. I barely had time to change my slashing attacks to defensive parries, as her arm connected with me, and launched me back the way I had come. A roar from Freak let me know he had been knocked back as well.

  “Oh shite!” Billy exclaimed, as he flailed wildly through the air in reverse the same as me.

  The three of us hit the timber walls of the fort with simultaneous crashes. The monster roared in elation or whatever emotion giant hag bitches felt. If my friends and I hadn’t been on the receiving end of her attacks I might have been impressed. But, my aching back and lightly red flashing periphery belayed that notion. I stood up and brushed the splinters and other bits of wood from me. A quick glance showed Billy doing the same and Freak giving his whole body a head to tail kitty shake. Time for a tactics change.

  “Billy, get upstairs and get a barrel of gunpowder. We’re gonna Jaws this shit before the bitch gets free!” I yelled, then sent a mental command to Freak.

  “A whole barrel? Aye, but what the fuck is a Jaws? You and your stupid sayings!” Billy called over his shoulder, already sprinting up the stairs, his bitching and moaning echoing down even after he disappeared.

  “You ready for this cat?” I asked, my familiar and best friend.

  A deep rumble sounded in his throat in response, that was good enough for me. I adjusted my grip on my weapons and dropped into a ready stance. Freak did the same, crouching low and preparing to pounce or dodge, his mouth open in a snarl. The new plan was to stall the MOB until Billy returned with the powder keg. It would probably more than halve our supply of the volatile substance but live for the now and all that. Besides, I was sure I could make more if I found the ingredients and we didn’t get killed.

  The monster roared and ripped a portion of the gate out of its you know what, sending blood and skin and… other stuff, flying and freeing it even more. Letting it get a further third of its body inside the fort.

  “Meeeeaaaaaaatttt!” The Kuku growled, well more roared, I don’t think it came with a quiet setting, as it reached both of its long limbs towards the two of us.

  It stopped its grasping as its legs caught on the broken iron of the gate and it hissed in pain.

  “Jesus that wreaks, shut your Georgia O’ Keefe looking mouth!” I yelled, the smell of rotten fish and shit permeating every iota of my being.

  If that’s what her mouth looked like I seriously didn’t want to know if the downstairs was as nasty as the upstairs. If the gods granted small miracles please, please, please don’t let that happen. As I thought that, Freak sneezed and backed up in response, his cat senses much more developed then my own. The monster hadn’t forgotten about us and after freeing itself a little more it turned lunging back and striking at both of us at once, like it knew I thought it was nasty.

  The
kitty and I just barely managed to dodge the attacks. The hag was fast but as long as we focused on defending, we could just get out of the way. That first blow had knocked a quarter of my life away and the same for Freak. We just couldn’t take hits from the beast bitch. This was going to have to be played the old school way, I’m talking Contra or Super Ghouls and Ghosts old.

  So, we dodged, then dodged again, oh, and then we dodged some more. My periphery started to flash a light green and it became more pronounced as my stamina lessened. It was taking everything I had just to not get hit. Each second the Kuku would wiggle a little further from gate and get that much closer to hitting us both. We were using the walls and the roof as well as the ground to dodge the wild strikes of the MOB. Add in the shaking and splinters of wood that flew like shrapnel, even when she missed, and it was like playing a game at the hardest setting, like we were in deity mode or something.

  Then, as usually happens a mistake is made and this one was on me. The sneaky monster varied its attack and instead of striking at the both of us it focused both its attacks on me. As I hit the side wall and began to leap off, the monsters second hand streaked in and smashed me into the timber. Red light flashed over my vision not just on the periphery, and I coughed involuntarily. Hacking and spitting, blood leaving my mouth as I felt my ribs crush between the hammer and the anvil, so to speak.

  At least three or more of my ribs snapped, the sound reverberating through my body. If you’ve ever felt a rib snap, you’d know what I meant. Luckily, I raised my arms in time and blocked a modicum of the blow, otherwise I’d surely have been dead. The Kuku roared, retracting her arms and taking my two blades with her. Both had cut into the monster’s forearm from the force of the attack, but I didn’t have the strength left to hold on to them. Their flames died out as they left my weakened grasp.

  “Law! I’m back I have the…” Billy’s voice rang out.

  “Throw it at its mouth…” I croaked, the air still being absent from my recovering and squashed lungs.

  Freak roared and Billy entered my vision from the side, I could barely turn my head, he had the cask over his left shoulder and Fragarach in his righthand. Freak roared again and Billy looked at the cat in exasperation.

  “I don’t speak feline you fucking overgrown pussycat!” Billy yelled in response, glaring daggers at Freak.

  The two had a minor Mexican standoff, neither blinking, then the Kuku roared just as I recovered some of my breath back.

  “Throw the bloody keg in its fucking mouth!” I wheeze yelled.

  Billy snapped his head from the monster to me and then it registered. He dropped Fragarach and hefted the powder keg with both hands, then threw it with all his might.

  “Eat this ya ugly mother fucker!” Billy cried.

  The monster wasn’t caught by surprise and raised both its arms smashing the barrel in midair just feet from its head and body. I grinned, a primal and feral smile, that held all the malice in the world that I could summon in it. The stupid fucking beast did exactly what I had hoped. The gunpowder in the barrel exploded and a giant cloud of black powder covered the monster for an instant. It went in the Kuku’s mouth, eyes, ears, and cloaked it in an obscuring mist, it raised its arms involuntarily trying to wave the noxious powder away, and then I acted.

  “Flame!” I screamed, summoning all the magic power that I possessed and activated the skill on both my weapons. Then, I fell to my knees on the floor.

  For a split second nothing happened and then all hell broke loose.

  There was a scene in the movie Blown Away, when Tommy Lee Jones realizes a bomb is going off and he watches it in slow motion. That’s what I did, my enhanced senses letting me see the individual specks of gunpowder igniting like pieces of some fiery rose blooming in fast forward.

  The vag mouth of the hag exploded from the inside, her eyes, and then ears following suit. As a matter of fact, the whole hag was exploding in a way more Michael Bay like way than it should have. Then it hit me, one of the Hag’s smells was ammonia! Part of the monster’s stench was the gases in its body, the heat and fire from the exploding gunpowder had ignited it and it was adding to the explosions power.

  “We gotta go!” Billy yelled from my side, his hands yanking me backward and dragging me towards the stairwell.

  I had a perfect view for watching the burgeoning fireball expand and then close in on us. Freak was in my periphery running as fast as he could next to Billy, who was cursing something foul, and I looked back in time to see the fireball already upon us. We were actually at the mouth of the stairwell when the superheated wave of fiery force connected with the down draft from the upstairs. Somehow, they hit us just right and launched all three of us tumbling up the stairs in reverse, quickly followed by the growing fireball.

  We shot out of the mouth of the stairs and over the warriors, who were knocked to the ground from the force of the explosion. The three of us hit the hard wood and dirt packed floor of the lodge with resounding crashes, rolling to a halt at the feet of Arun, Patty, and the other warriors.

  “Well, don’t you three look the proper slags.” Patty joked, covered from head to toe in greenish red blood and ichor.

  Arun laughed and elbowed the warrior from Eire in a comradely fashion. Nothing like battle to squash one’s differences. I was about to tell both of them to stick it where the sun don’t shine, when a loud cracking and groaning split the air. Looking back towards the stairwell I saw the fort was cracking in two, not to mention the wood was burning from the fireball. I scrambled to my feet with a hand from Billy.

  “Everyone out!” I screamed, having recovered a measure of stamina and breath.

  Shouts and scrambling men were all that could be heard. The warriors stampeded out of the Aglebemu strewn doorway, Arun and Patty having dispatched the last of them just before we flew out of the stairwell. They grabbed their fallen on the way out and took them with them, while the rest of my SEALs along with the archers, jumped down from the balcony and hastily made their way to the exit. Just in time thankfully, as the fort crashed to the water in a crumbling heap on each side of where the river gate and my boat had been just moments earlier.

  TRACK 5 – STANDING OUTSIDE A BROKEN PHONE BOOTH WITH MONEY IN MY HAND – PRIMITIVE RADIO GODS

  “You gotta be fucking shitting me…” I cursed, staring at the smoking hull of my once beautiful boat.

  “Fuck you, my sword Fragarach is down under that heap of rubble.” Billy whined. “It’ll take me forever to move all that shite rock and timber to find it.”

  “I’m sorry about your canoe.” Arun said, from next to him.

  “It’s ok, I’m just going to have to build a better one. I’m sorry about your fort.” I replied.

  “It’s ok, we’ll just build a better one.” The Viking Native retorted.

  We all stood on the riverbank, where the fort and road had terminated, staring at the broken building now a mass of waterlogged materials. My SEALs and his warriors lined the broken roadway. All of my men and Dawn had made it through, Arun’s warriors hadn’t been so lucky. Over half his men were injured or dead. The battle had been rough, honestly, it was lucky that we’d survived at all.

  I glanced at Cunning Wolf, man he was a tough old bastard, who looked fine if just a little dirty. I switched gazes to Thunder Foot, he had handled the harquebusiers when Billy joined me and Freak. He gave me a wink and I laughed. Death was terrible, but it was life we were fighting for so you couldn’t dwell on the losses.

  “I guess it’s time to head back to the village. We should refit, reassess, and rest. Most of all, I think I need a drink.” Arun said.

  “This isn’t your home?” I asked, giving the big man a raised eyebrow.

  “No, this was just our furthest forward outpost. Originally, home is Asgard on the banks of the Inland Sea and mouth of the Illinois River.” Arun explained. “But we are going to our largest fortified settlement, Thrudheim, which is just a half days travel by canoe. Oh, and I think we can dis
pense with the challenges, my warriors are your warriors, we just need the old folks to confirm it.”

  He made an attempt at one of our chest salutes then turned away and began calling out orders to his, soon to be my, remaining warriors. Old folks huh? We would see. I took a deep breath and patted Freak on the head then gathered my troops, they created a small circle and huddling up like a game of football.

  “First of all, great job everyone. You all worked together like a well-oiled machine.” I began, confused expressions looked back at me and shook my head, ugh, idioms, I restarted. “Like a well-ordered harvest…” nods of understanding this time, “and we kicked those MOB’s asses, now we are going to head to Arun’s closest fortified village. Let’s get whatever we can salvage from the Enterprise. Billy, get to work on grabbing Fragarach, are you going to need any help?” I asked.

  “Nah, Dusk and Dawn already volunteered.” He replied, the twins looking around perplexed, I guess they just got their first taste of ‘volunteering’ in the military.

  “Alright, get to it.” I replied, chuckling at the two siblings, Billy’s voice already cursing and ordering them about.

  Thunder Foot, Lightning Fist, and Shadow Bear clapped me on the back on their way to the wreckage. Freak, Cunning Wolf, and I stood there for a moment. I had messages blinking in my periphery, but I could sense the old man wanted to chat, so I waited for him to begin. Freak gave me a pleading look and I nodded in return. He bounded off in search of something to eat. I sent him a mental be careful and he responded in kind.

  “This was a good battle. I am glad we won, there is much to be said about the training everyone has been doing. These monsters of legend though, I think we need to as you would say, upgrade things a time notch.” He said solemnly.

  I suppressed a grin and hid it with a small cough.

  “What you meant to say is take things up a notch, or time for an upgrade. Yeah, we definitely need to level up our efforts. I was thinking the same thing. I’ll explain my new plans when we reach the Vikings, err, Ojibwe’s forward outpost.” I replied.